Gone But Never Forgotten

Twenty years from now these are the qualities I want to remember about myself:

1.     I’m a hard worker and have always had a job.

2.     I’m good at managing my money

3.     I have and have always had very high responsibilities and expectations

4.     I’m a lot of fun when you get to know me but the real question is if I want you to know me. I tend to be very skeptical of people.

5.     I was told by my dad that maybe I shouldn’t get comfortable with people because I tend to let loose and cuss like a sailor.

6.     Rodeos are my thing but I don’t compete in them.

7.     School has always been easy for me and I’ve always had good grades.

8.     I have a tendency to get into an attitude to where I don’t care about anything and when I say “I don’t care” I really don’t.

9.     I am usually nice but I have a very short fuse so if you make me angry you will feel my wrath.

10.                        I have two types of “angry” and it really just depends on what you do to make me mad. The angrier I am and depending on who you are, I will be your worst nightmare. But usually if it just something small and I don’t know you too well I’ll just be real quiet and be hateful. When I’m that way I usually just want to be left alone before things get worse.

11.                        I have two mustangs. I’m not a big fan of them but I still drive them and people tend to think there cool, but I don’t care.

12.                        I get along with anyone and everyone, just don’t make me mad.

13.                        I tend to people watch. I picked this up from my mom.

14.                        At time I can be a little judgmental at first but it’s only because of how you present yourself. I will give you a chance to change my mind but if you screw it up I don’t want to waste my time with you.

15.                        Time is of the essence. I hate being late and wasting time, always have and I always will.

16.                        I love to go out and meet new people I can talk to just about anyone.

17.                        I hate horses. Absolutely hate them. It’s not that I’m scared it’s just you get tired of getting bucked off after a while and it makes you not want to be around them at all.

18.                        I’m very sarcastic. People like to say I’m brutally honest when all I do is speak what’s on my mind. But may that’s not a good idea..

19.                        Parents and adults love me. Every person I’ve dated whose parents have met me make me family.

20.                        I get along better with people who are older than me. Most of my friends are older than me because our maturity is on the same level.

Never Say Good-Bye

There comes a time in life where you just have to let something go no matter how dear to you it or they are. I really do not want to do this right now; I honestly do not want to do it ever. It is so hard to bring this out for I know that it will be the last time to say goodbye. There is so much I want to share with you whether it is physical experiences such as created a bucket list and checking things off one by one and living the dream or  just sitting with you and talking about all our childhood memories and our goals and what-ifs. Everything happens for a reason and for some godly reason our destiny crossed paths and it was meant to be. You were, are, and always will be my best good friend. Just thinking about things and how miserable it is going to be without you here makes me want to just cry but I know that even though after what is going on you would want me to not mope around but to help cheer everybody else up and keep good spirits. I was talking with my mom the other day about our odd humor. Nobody gets us but it was ok because we understood each other, what am I to do now after you are gone? Do you think heaven have visiting hours? If so you better make sure that I am written down every day until it is my turn to venture up there. You just wait, we will drive everyone so nuts up there that they will more than likely kick us out of heaven and send us back to earth through reincarnation as a slug or something.  You will always be in my heart. Every time I see a piece of copy paper I think of you. Remember that time we covered my mom’s entire kitchen with copy paper and then took markers and drew all over it at like 5 in the morning? That was crazy. We were so scared my mom would get mad so we disposed of the evidence but we still have some pictures to remember it by. One thing that I will never forget was that song you wrote for me. It is so near and dear to my heart.

“All the stars,

They never work!

Bumping cars

Pumping gas

Bum bum bum.”

That, my friend, is pure poetry. Our friendship goes together like Nutella and Bananas; Tacos and Ketchup; Oreos and Peanut butter. The point is, we’re so different and you can’t really see us being friends but when we’re put together we are just amazing. I know that this is long and sappy but there is so much I want to talk with you about before you go and you probably don’t want to hear it but I just want to tell you now so you can hear for yourself that I love you best good friend you will always be my Starshine just as long as I’m always your moonbeam. It’s hard for me to say good bye because Shelby was my best friend. We had such a weird humor that nobody understood but we didn’t care. There was never a time that we weren’t together and laughing. We both have one of those laughs that are loud and obnoxious because we were just that awesome.

In Other Words

1.      “You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality."

- Ayn Rand (1905-1982)

 

2.      “It is a curious subject of observation and inquiry, whether hatred and love be not the same thing at bottom. Each, in its utmost development, supposes a high degree of intimacy and heart-knowledge; each renders one individual dependent for the food of his affections and spiritual life upon another; each leaves the passionate lover, or the no less passionate hater, forlorn and desolate by the withdrawal of his object.”
― Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter

3.      “She wanted—what some people want throughout life—a grief that should deeply touch her, and thus humanize and make her capable of sympathy.”
― Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter

4.      “Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
― Buddha
“Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too.”
―Will Smith

5.    “Life is a song - sing it. Life is a game - play it. Life is a challenge - meet it. Life is a dream - realize it. Life is a sacrifice - offer it. Life is love - enjoy it.”
―Sai Baba

6.      “Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.”
―Harvey Fierstein

7.      “The truth is you don't know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed.”
―Eminem

8.      “Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out.”
Anton Chekhov

9.      “Once you say you're going to settle for second, that's what happens to you in life.”
―John F. Kennedy

10.  “When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable.”
―Madeleine L'Engle

Synetics

1.      Which is like a valentine? the truth or a lie?

a.       This question can be a bit hard to answer because when getting a Valentine you can only hope for the truth. In all reality people only tell people what they want to hear to make them happy.

2.      Which is more useful? a friend or an enemy?

a.       A friend can be very useful for personal information and someone to talk to. An enemy is more useful because they give you someone to talk about with your friends.

3.      Which is easier to close? a road or a map?

a.       Some may say a map is easier to close but is it really? With all the different which ways you can fold it the key is finding the correct patter of which the paper is creased. A road is easier to close because all you have to do is put up a simple road block and boom, road closed in one try.

4.      Which is more difficult? a dream or a nightmare?

a.       A nightmare can be difficult for the time being but you will soon forget. A dream is more difficult because when you have a dream it’s hard to tell if it was just a dream or a memory.

5.      Which is wiser? a pen or pencil?

a.       A pencil can be wise because you can erase a mistake that has been made but a pen is wiser. When writing with a pen if you show know mistakes or grammatical errors it shows that you are very advanced in your literature and more official.

6.      Which is smarter? A clock or a calendar?

a.       A calendar can help you plan for the future but who makes the calendars? A clock is smarter because they run time on their own, they know when to tick and when not to tock. A calendar is just mere paper of which a person prints the dates and may even sometimes be wrong. If the time is off it can always be corrected and be right back on track.

7.      Which is like a promise? Mathematics or science?

a.       Mathematics and science are very similar. Science is a lot of trial and error and you will never know what the true outcome should be. In math there is always an answer to your problem it’s just a matter of solving it.

8.      Which is easier to teach? a question or an answer?

a.       It’s easy to teach a question but its better in the long run to teach an answer. If you teach an answer you won’t have any problems with being asked stupid questions.

9.      Which has less charm? a signature or an autograph?

a.       Some can argue that a signature and an autograph are very similar but one is more official then the other. A signature has no charm at all for it is used to give approval. An autograph is given to be remembered and cherished by the fan that is being charmed.

10.  Which is more fearful? new or old?

a.       What’s in the past stays in the past but no one really knows what there is to come in the future. New is more fearful because you’ll never know what will happen and whether it can help or hurt you.  Whereas if something is old you already know what it’s like and where it’s been.

 

Unfinished Sentences

1. I usually worry about the littlest things. I tend to stress myself out about things that wouldn’t even matter to the average person. Here lately what I have been worrying about is money. I’ve been without a job for two months and my dad was just recently injured at work so he can no longer work as well. I found and am now working for two restaurants but they are both in Joplin so my income goes towards gas. What I bring home is what we depend on for bills and I’m scared that I won’t meet the standards for our home.

2. I feel angry when people do irritating things. I can sometimes overreact about things that have no reason to be mad over. I have a short fuse and I’m partially bi-polar. Here lately do to all of my stress I’ve been having it has been causing me to have a shorter fuse. One thing that irritates me so bad is when people cause their own drama and then act like they don’t know why everyone hates them and complains about it all of the time. I have problems of my own so why would I want to hear about yours.

3. I’m moody when I’m really stressed out. When I stress about things whether it be school, work, or money, I tend to be a little cranky. I’ll get irritated over the littlest things and snap at anyone even if it’s a minor situation. I’ve noticed that I snap more at the people closest to me because I know that they’ll forgive me. Usually after I’ve had a scene I’ll go back and apologize and explain why I’m so stressed out.

4. I’m happiest when the weekend is here. The weekend is my time to relax. I do work on the weekends but they day I look forward most are Saturdays. On Saturdays I go to Springfield and stay at my buddy’s house and just relax worry free and have a good time. Usually all we do is watch movies and talk but that’s all I need to relax. It gives me a chance to vent and get advice from someone I can really trust and look up to.   

5. I feel confident when I’m at work. When I’m at work I feel like a completely different person. I’m all serious and in the zone. When I work I take things serious so I can get my job done get good tips and go home. I feel great being able to be independent and not have to depend on anyone else. That is one of my biggest things.

6. I feel frustrated when school and work clash. Here recently I was doing track and absolutely loved it. I had everything figured out just fine to where I could do both. But since my dad got hurt I had to take on a second job so now I’ll be working seven days a week and double shifts on the weekends so I had to quit track. I didn’t want to and I miss it so much but it just had to be done.

7. I feel depressed when my mom calls me. My mom and I aren’t on very good terms and we haven’t been for about two years now. After what happened and the cause of me moving back she didn’t even talk to me for the longest time and said I was no longer welcome to her home. Things are getting a little bit better but it’s still a little awkward when I go over to visit or when we have a family gathering. I’ve noticed here recently that my mother only says “I love you” when she wants something from me. Generally that’s supposed to be the other way around, but she’s my mother. I don’t really know, I guess she still has a grudge against me.

8. I am comfortable when I’m around my friend Lumi. When we hangout I can just relax and have no worries. All we usually do is just watch movies and talk. I think it’s the same for him as well because we are both just so busy with work or other life matters and we both stress ourselves out. We give each other someone to talk to about personal things or even just to vent about stuff going on here lately. Hanging out with him just helps me get away from things and really get comfortable and take a load off. If I didn’t have Lumi I’d probably go insane.

9. I feel nervous when my gas light goes off and I have no money. One of my main stress points is about not having gas. There is never a day that goes by that I don’t have to drive. I have to drive about twenty miles just to get to school every day. After school I go to Monett to help with the store and then go home and get ready for actual work and then drive to Joplin and back home. Eighty percent of my day is driving. It has gotten to the point that I can’t sit at my house very long without wanting to go somewhere else. It sucks because I’m broke but I have to have gas to get to school and work. The closest gas station to me from home is eight miles away and their gas isn’t any good. I just always get worried that I’m going to be stuck on the side of the road with no gas and no one to help me making me late to school or work.

10. I feel sentimental when I go see my best friend in Springfield. My friend and I have been crushing on each other for over a year but neither one of us really admitted to it because we were afraid that it would cause problems between our families and my job. When we first met we flirted a little with each other but then realized that he was 23 and I was only 17 so we just stuck to being friends and only talking when we were working together. He waited 9 ½ months until I turned 18 and took me out for my birthday. We’ve been talking since then and each time we hangout we get closer.

Sensory Experience- Burning Barn

Sight:

Watching my brother stand there with a guilty look on his face as he realizes what he’s done. Soon there’s nothing around but silhouettes of barn equipment and flames. Looking for a way out and watching the smoke vent out through a window that’s bursting with freedom of blue skies and brightness. Watching as the flames creep closer when all of a sudden something, someone comes bursting through the smoke.

 Smell:

The wonderful smell of autumn throughout the air while running through the pasture. While stepping into the barn that smelt of gasoline and hay encircling us when soon came the familiar smell a match that came around when our mother was to light a cigarette. Shortly things changed and the wonderful smells turned into distant memories and became horrible seared odors, some of which I’ve never experienced before only being four years of age. Soon my nose began to burn and was no longer able to use my sense of smell.

Hear:

Crackling of fire surrounding the room and the quick gasp of fear from a little boys lungs. A terrified mother screaming for help and for the safety of her children while crunching through the brush of the field.

Taste:

Every breath or attempt for help brings in a nasty burnt taste of hay and dirt filling up my mouth making my tongue dry and thick. Salty tears rolling down my face while standing there immobile. When finally broken free of the smoky hell I’m welcomed with the taste of fresh air so soothing and welcoming.  

Touch:

Searching for a way out and finding nothing but an old splintered barn wall, pressing my body against it hoping to find a way out. Every breath of air is smoke clouding up my lungs creating a god awful cough making my throat feel like I’m coughing up sand paper and trying to catch my breath with a huge weight on my chest. Being jerked up and feeling pressure against my arms of familiar hands, the hands of a mother. Then feeling my body hit the cold hard ground and the fear of death for myself turning into the fear of my mother’s safety.

Extended Metaphors

If I were a word I would be the word honest because I’m honest about everything and speak my mind. I tend to get the sarcastic trait from my dad. When somebody says something or complains I usually have a very quick response and most of the time it’s not very nice. Some people say that I’m brutally honest because when I say what I do there isn’t really anything you can say back because it’s true. I live by what my mom always said and that’s the truth hurts.

 

If I were a cartoon character I would be Jerry off of Tom and Jerry. Ever since I was little my brother and I have always butted heads. It’s strange because we are the closer of all the siblings but we also fight the most. We always have to be better than the other. Our relationship that we have resembles Tom and Jerry so much its priceless.

 

If I were a type of building I would be a barn. Growing up my grandma always used to ask me if I was born in a barn. I was a bit of a wild child. It cracks me up looking back on all the crazy things my brothers and I would do to aggravate my grandma. We were always outside and running wild. My grandma used to yell at us and say she was going to bust our britches and we would just laugh and laugh and run back outside.

The Ultimate All-Purpose Excuse

When I was about 16 I went through a huge rebel phase. I was always one of those people that if you challenged me to do something I would prove I could do it no matter what or how stupid it was. My parents had been kind of strict and had no idea that I had started heading towards the wrong crowd. One day I was sitting in my commons area at school when this boy that I had a huge crush on and had been talking to for a while came up to me and suggested that we should skip school together. Knowing that I was a great student and that my parents would kill me if I ruined things then I would get a big butt whooping. I told him no I couldn't because I also had auditions for show choir that night and didn't want to have to miss out. He just kept insisting and insisting so finally I gave in. Before the bell even rang for dismissal we together walked out the side door of the building and to my car. Neither one of us had any idea where we were going to go or what we were going to do but we didn't have a place to hangout because all our friends were at home. We went to McDonalds for about an hour and then we went to my friend Kim's house since her brother was home and watched a movie. we eventually got bored and decided we should probably head back to school, with our alibies set in stone and the feeling of being invincible, we walked in. He went in first and made it to class with no trouble. Then it was my turn. I told the office that I had an appointment with my lawyer and she took my word knowing that my parents were in the middle of a court battle for child support and I was a good kid with all A's and there was no way they should second guess me. She gave me an admit slip and sent me to class. When I got to class I told all my friends how I didn't get caught but I had spoken too soon. The secretary came back to get me and took me to the office. My heart sunk to the floor when I say my mom and step dad sitting there looking at me. I asked if the school called and my mom said no they were just curious as to why infinite campus showed that I was gone for three hours. My mind was reeling for excuses and the best i could come up with was I fell asleep in my car. My mom looked at me and I thought I was caught, she gave me her mom look. I then broke down and started crying and they believed my story. I said that I was so stressed out about show choir try-outs they I accidently fell asleep in my car in the school parking lot since I had to take my sisters to school that morning and when I woke up I freaked out. My mom made me tell the assistant principle that I lied when I came in because I didn't want to get into trouble and I got three 9th hours. But they were all forgiving and I didn't get into trouble at home. Eventually I didn't even have to serve those 9th hours because they trusted me and deep down in the back of my head a voice told me that I should tell the whole truth because there was guilt building up inside but in the end I left it alone and nothing else happened.

Recipe for the perfect Mickenzie:

2 cups of sarcasm

3 cups of striving

2tsp of anger

5 cups of love

7 cups of happiness

4tsp of annoyance

1 cup of stress

4 cups of knowledge

3 cups of humor

4 cups of beautiful

Step 1: First you mix 2tsp of anger, 4tsp of annoyance, and 1 cup of stress you’ll get one mean Mickenzie but don’t forget the 7 cups of happiness to help level everything out and to a smooth mix.

Step 2: Then in a separate bowl pour in 3 cups of strive, 4 cups of knowledge, and 3 cups of humor, you’ll get a big bowl of a good worker and great employee.

Step 3: In a big bowl mix all the ingredients from step one and step two together and add 5 cups of love and 4 cups of beautiful and lay it out in a pan. Bake for 18 years and you’ll get the Perfect Mickenzie.

 

 

Personal Metaphors

1.       If I were an animal, I would be an elephant because elephants are my grandma’s favorite animal and I’m my grandma’s favorite grandchild.

2.       If I were a car, I would be a ford bronco because they’re great vehicles that have the extra room as well as endurance.

3.       If I were an article of clothing, I would be I pair of jeans because you can wear a pair of jeans all year round and you can wear them with just about anything.

4.        If I were a day of the week, I would be a Friday because Friday’s are the best days of the week. They’re the beginning of the weekend.

5.       If I were food I would be Chinese food because everyone loves Chinese food.

6.       If I were a color I would be blue because blue has always been my favorite color.

7.       If I were a movie I would be a Pixar movie because out of all the movies I've ever seen those have always been my favorite no matter how old I am.

8.       If I were a fragrance I would be Lay It On Thick Shea Butter lotion because when people use my lotion they freak out and say it feels gross and it cracks me up. Plus it smells really good.

9.       If I were a type of building I would be a barn because growing up my grandma always used to ask me if I was born in a barn and I would always yell back yes.

10.   If I were a plant I would be a tree because they live for hundreds of years and they play an important part of life on earth.

11.   If I were a Musical Instrument I would be the piano because there are so many different keys to play and so many different combinations to make such beautiful music.

12.   If I were a geometric shape I would be a circle because I circle doesn’t have any corners and it’s never ending.

13.   If I were a piece of furniture I would be a chair because I bench because a bench can support a family.

14.   If I were a song I would Jesus take the wheel by Carrie underwood because there has been many times that I should have been in terrible wrecks but I always manage to screech on by.

15.   If I were an appliance I would be a dish washer because it seems like no matter how much ido dishes there will always be more.

16.   If I were a television character I would Ronda Rousey because according to Marcum I look just like her.

17.   If I were a season of the year I would be the summer because I love summer for all the sun and tanning and swimming. It’s just great, like me.

18.   If I were a natural phenomenon I would be the northern lights because they’re colorful and vibrant and can only be seen in specific areas.

19.   If I were a cartoon character I would Jerry off of Tom and Jerry because my brother and I fight all the time and we’re always picking on each other but I’m the smarter one.

20.   If I were a work I would be honest because I’m honest about everything and speak my mind and some people think that I’m brutally honest.

What's in a Name?

My name is Mickenzie Kaitlynn Brock. My mother originally wanted to name me Mikayraylynn Kaitlynn-Marie Brock. The Mikay part was to come from my great grandma Reece. Her name was Chlola Maxine and she went by Maxine but all her friends called her Mickey. My mom wanted everyone to call me Mickey just like my great grandma but she had no such luck. The Ray and lynn are both different halves of two middle names of my Grandma and my Great Aunts. Kaitlynn-Marie comes from the grandparents on my dad’s side. And of course Brock is my dad’s last name. When my mom took them time to come up with this horrendous name my dad absolutely hated it. My dad wanted to name me McKenzie Kaitlynn, and to add a little of her own twist my mom had my name spelt Mick instead of Mac or Mc. Having my name spelt Mick has been quit a difficulty. Every time I get some sort of award or something with my name on it my name was always spelt wrong and it’s always Mackenzie and it just bugs the crap out of me because that’s not my name therefore that is not my award or whatever it was that had my name spelt wrong. Another thing about my name was when we would have a substitute teacher in elementary and they would be doing roll call. For some reason the teachers think that Brock Mickenzie is the name of a little boy in class so every time they call there’s a little bit of shock in there face when they see me, a little girl, raising my hand and yelling here. I have always hated my name and even now I think that it’s nothing but a mouthful. One think that I have found to hate the most is what my step mom would always call me. Kenzie-Kate. The first time she called me that I asked her not to because I did not like it and because I said something about it it’s what she always decided to call me and introduce me as. I still hate it to this day and now that she is gone I don’t have to hear it anymore. My friends don’t know whether to call me Kenzie or just Mickenzie but either way works for me. I honestly prefer just to be called Mickenzie. In a way I do sometimes think that I would like the other name better because it’s so unique and has a whole lot of story behind it but then again I’m pretty content with my name I have now. I’ve had it my whole life so you get used to it eventually.

Likes and Dislikes

Likes

1.    Track: This is my first year doing track and I like how I can have fun while I compete.

2.       Summertime: I love the summer time because you can always go swimming whenever you want and can get a rocking tan.

3.       Fall: This is the perfect time of year where you can still go out in jeans and not be too hot but be warm enough to not wear a coat.

4.       Cereal: I can eat cereal everyday all day

5.       Working out: I love to work out. Drives me nuts not having a chance to work on my muscles.

6.       Being active: I can’t stand not having something to do. I’ve always been active within the community or in athletics.

7.       Spanish: I’ve taken four years of Spanish and I love how it sounds and how it feels to be able to speak it and understand.

8.       Chinese food: Chinese food is the greatest depending on where you go to eat it.

9.       Trucks: you have four-wheel drive and can get out of just about anything.

10.   Music: Always have been active in music. Percussion was more of my thing but I enjoy playing other instruments as well.

11.   Rodeos: I like being out and social and what better place to go and talk to them sexy cowboys ;)

12.   Playing sports: I have never gone a year without playing sports. My all-time sport is softball.

13.   Having a job: I like having my own responsibilities and being independent.

14.   Driving standard: I believe that everyone should know how to drive a standard because of any opportunity.

15.   BBQ’s: Barbeques are a great way to get some good food and hangout with some good people.

Dislikes

1.       Sitting at home: I hate sitting at home and being alone with nothing to do.

2.       Sleeping in: I hate sleeping in and wasting the whole day away. Why waste time when you can be productive? 

3.       Winter: winter may be the time of a great holiday and cuddling and what not but I absolutely hate the cold.

4.       Steamed Vegetables: steamed vegetables are absolutely disgusting. They smell gross and the texture is of hot baby food. I don’t mind eating raw veggies in a salad but not cooked.

5.       Horses: growing up I always loved horses but out of all the bad experiences of riding horses I have now grown to hate them.

6.       Wasting time: I hate not making a day productive if my day was wasted then I’ll make it up that night.

7.       Graduation not coming soon enough: I’m ready to be done with High School and move away to start college.

8.       Annoying people: I don’t have a very high tolerance for obnoxious people as it is but when some keeps doing something over and over I snap.

9.       Not having a job: I hate not having a job because I never have anything to do and I have to become dependent on my dad which causes me to have severe restrictions on what I can do.

10.   Eyebrow piercings: eyebrow piercings to me are just weird. They don’t look good on anyone.

11.   Ouija Boards: Ouija Boards are a huge NO-NO. Ouija boards will bring out bad spirits and can cause a whole lot of distress.  

12.   Scary movies in the dark: I love scary movies, don’t get me wrong, but I have to watch them in the day time, with the lights on or in the dark with someone with me otherwise I’ll over think it and freak myself out.

13.   Creepers: I like going out with  my friends on the weekends but I hate when we go places to dance and there are always those creepy guys that just hover by the bar with a drink and stare at everyone.

14.   French: French is a nasty language. There’s a lot of hacking and cackling.. I just don’t like it.

15.   Small dogs: small dogs are nasty and annoying. They don’t mind and get all over everything. I prefer big outside dogs.